Cold
by LornaCat
Summary: surreal, AU one-shot. Kate is trying to bring Juliet back to James sometime after 6x01, but Juliet should not even be up and walking around.


_A/N: This is a story based on a dream I had a while ago. The dream was really sad, disturbing and very surreal. It stayed with me the entire day after I woke up, so let that be your scary angst warning. I haven't changed much of what happened, only filled in some blanks and expanded Kate's perspective. _

_**Rated T**__ for horror/gore and angst._

_**Spoilers:**__ This is surreal AU, but I'll say 6x01. (It's not meant to make much sense or fit in with the timeline of the show, but what happened then is very important.)_

_**Summary:**__ Juliet knows she shouldn't be up and walking. Now she wishes she'd just stayed dead._

* * *

**Cold**

* * *

This place was different. A deciduous forest, still dead after a thaw. Juliet felt strange, she felt wrong, she felt exhausted and she knew she wasn't supposed to be there. The people in front of her just kept walking. They didn't seem to notice anything was off, though Juliet was afraid the wrongness she felt was being telegraphed in her every action. She stumbled, her knees wobbled, and she almost collapsed.

_What's wrong with me? How am I still standing?_

She wasn't walking anymore. She'd stopped to lean against a tree. Kate, at the end of the traveling pack, stopped and turned to see what was wrong. Kate could tell Juliet was not feeling well, but Juliet had not asked for help, and their relationship was not one of friendship. Comfort was not part of the deal, but they were both human, and Kate would not leave her behind.

"Juliet?"

Juliet stared at the ground at her feet, trying to focus on the wet leaves. When she heard her own name, it felt like a stranger's name, but she still wanted ownership so she looked up. It took a moment; her head felt so heavy.

"You okay?" Kate asked her when eye contact was established. Juliet didn't answer. Kate's eyes narrowed. Juliet felt like she was being inspected.

_Am I acting suspicious?_

Juliet became aware of Kate's presence at her side. Kate was putting her hands on Juliet, gently pulling her, telling her it was alright.

"Come on..." Kate said softly, as if to a child.

From memory, Juliet walked. Her body recalled the motion necessary to put one foot in front of the other, and so she moved. It was almost involuntary, out of habit and being swept along by Kate's slow but strong momentum.

Juliet's entire body felt heavy. The world was made of paper, and she was a weight. Reality was fading, but Juliet remained.

The group stopped to rest. They sat in a clearing, and built a fire to keep warm. It was day time, but clouds covered the sky in three layers, and wind blew slow but cold through the trees. Juliet was afraid to sit down, knowing she might not be able to get back up if she did. A few people invited her to sit by the fire, but coming close to it made her uneasy. The fire made her flesh feel even heavier. She found the damp cold more comforting.

_I want to be alone._

No one paid much attention to Juliet. She'd always been the loner, but still Kate knew something was wrong. It was in Juliet's eyes. Her eyes were no longer hiding her secrets, but baring everything that was inside. All Kate saw in her eyes now was dread, a dread Juliet didn't even realize she was feeling yet. It worried Kate, and the dread developed in Kate as well, but at least Kate had warmth. Juliet looked completely lost. She was exhausted, distracted, she couldn't concentrate, and she wouldn't shiver. It was so cold in the forest, and Juliet wouldn't shiver.

Kate left the warmth of the fire to check on Juliet. No one else seemed to notice anything was wrong. They were busy thinking about their journey through the forest, and Juliet had always been strong enough to take care of herself. They didn't bother to worry and they didn't bother to look, but Kate always had her eye on the people behind her. It was how she stopped them from stabbing her in the back.

Juliet didn't have the strength to stab. She didn't have the strength to live. Juliet felt completely solid. Cold, still and solid.

_I can't feel my heart beating._

"Juliet." Kate said quietly, once again at her side. It was not a question but a statement.

_I'm not breathing._

"Juliet." Kate said again, moving closer. She embraced Juliet, trying to make her see reason. She held her close, but again it was not for comfort. Kate hugged an ice cube, and when she pressed her cheek to Juliet's she felt the temperature of the air. "You're so cold." said Kate, sounding frightened from a million miles away. Juliet knew Kate had said it aloud at a normal volume but it sounded like a shout from the ether. The wet crunch of dead leaves and the calls of winter birds overhead were louder in Juliet's ears. "I'm going to get you a blanket." said Kate, and the words washed over Juliet a moment later.

Juliet was brought a blanket. Old, dirty, but thick enough to matter. "Is she alright?" said Sayid's voice. Juliet couldn't make out where he was in the group, but it didn't matter. All that mattered was that people were beginning to suspect. Juliet didn't want attention.

_I just want to be alone._

_Where are you, James? _

_I need you._

"Here." Kate said quietly, placing the blanket in Juliet's hands. When Juliet took it, it was not with strength but with pure motion. Her body felt like it was made of wooden boards, her heavy and cumbersome limbs. "I'll help you." Kate tried to say, but Juliet's last strength was found only in her desire to be alone.

"I'll do it." Juliet rasped hoarsely. The discomfiting sound made Kate stay as Juliet took herself even further from the group, walking into the trees so she could wrap the blanket around herself in private.

She found it difficult to unfold, so she held it up with her hands, lifting her stiff arms as far as they would go, and let the rest of it fall down to the ground. It was heavy, so heavy, just like her.

_I'm rotting_.

Juliet's thought formed, even before she glanced at the hands now held in front of her face. She could see the evidence for herself, through eyes that felt like two rocks stuck in mud. Her skin no longer held the pale peach of her fair complexion. It was sickly gray, darker than that in some spots, but only when she looked closely. The clouds above helped hide it; everyone looked gray in this weather. She couldn't see it, but there was a splotch on the back of her neck too.

_It's not fair._

Juliet swung the blanket around her shoulders.

_I should be alive like them. _

The blanket got caught on a tree branch.

_It's not fair. Where is everyone else? _

Her frustration grew when she realized the blanket was caught. It wouldn't fall down onto her shoulders, so she stepped forward, pulling gently.

_I want to be in my house, in my home, with James._

Frustration. It masked the fear. The blanket wouldn't come loose, so she pulled harder, too hard for her weak body to handle.

It didn't hurt. She couldn't feel pain, but she knew it happened and that was the worst part of all, that she knew all that was happening. It was like when the dentist had given her novacaine but she could still feel them working in her mouth, just the pressure and the movement.

One of her arms was gone. It was just gone.

She was too much in shock to do anything at first, to even react. Maybe it was because her brain function was slower? But, no, she was growing frightened. _My arm_. Juliet lied to herself, because she could no longer call the arm her own. It laid on the ground behind her and she didn't want to look because she already knew what had begun. It was a process started before she'd been led into the forest by those people. There was only one path for her to go down and she was already nearing the end of it. Nothing about its inevitability was comforting, however. It scared her an incredible amount. She'd never felt this panic before. It seized her cold, unbeating heart - her memory of it, at least. Her mind was still present, and all it felt was that panic, that fear. _Get me away from here,_ she begged, but she had no one to beg to. Her own legs took pity on her; she didn't know how, but she began to run. She had to get away from here, but here was everywhere, and the fear was only growing.

Kate heard a retreat, the sound of scared feet running away. She ran after Juliet, already worried and now truly fearful of what was happening to her. She knew what it was like to run scared. She didn't wish it on her enemies, and even though Juliet was not her friend, she was certainly no longer her enemy.

"Juliet!"

Juliet heard Kate shout but she didn't slow down for a second. Her body no longer had that solid feeling. Juliet was aware of what might happen if she stopped, or worse, stopped suddenly. _I'm coming apart. I'm not myself anymore. I'm not supposed to be here. _

_I'm the walking - _

_No, the running dead._

_I'm dead._

A feeling exploded inside of the panic - the pure desire for James to appear before her and stop her running and hold her in his arms. Juliet's panic was overtaken by that desire. Juliet became that desire, when her mind truly let go of the body for good. The body tripped on an exposed tree root, and the sudden stop came quickly. A sack of fluid and soft bone hit the ground like a bagged liquid, collapsing, breaking open, splashing the leaves and soaking them through to the ground.

Kate arrived at the site of Juliet's last thought, and the sight of those remains hit Kate like a tidal wave of freezing cold water. It stole her breath. Her mouth opened as if to gasp, but the air wouldn't fill her lungs. The shock of seeing a pool of dark red where a complete and beautiful woman should have been gave her an emotion that froze and then melted her heart, and her eyes filled with real tears that choked her vision and her throat.

In an instant Kate knew. She did not understand, but she knew what had happened. They shouldn't have tried to move her. They shouldn't have tried to bring her along. Juliet was really gone this time, and Kate didn't know how she was going to explain it to James.

* * *

_Yup, I dreamt that. It was sad. I'm still not sure if I even like this story. If you read it, let me know what you think. I'd really appreciate it._


End file.
